my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
