I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
