It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
