Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
