OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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