I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
