how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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