Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
