I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize
