I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
