new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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