i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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