im about as happy as oj after his trial
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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