I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
