Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
The uberlube is also flammable
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Randomize
