I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Randomize
