You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
