Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
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