you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
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