The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
