i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
