I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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