im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
