I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
This baby is an asshole
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
The dick lei will go down in squad history
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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