Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I could fuck to npr.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
