Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i think i have herpe
just one?
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Randomize
