Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Randomize
