do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
