he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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