I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Randomize
