guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
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