Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
