I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
