hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
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