I'm pants shitting drunk right now
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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