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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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