I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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