A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
