Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
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