1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
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