Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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