covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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