just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Randomize
