Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
did you just send me my own nude
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
