Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
she told me i tasted like america
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
