And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
