cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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