my phone needs a breathalizer
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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