how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
