It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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