This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
